An open letter to my 20 year-old self

You may think you are invincible; but you are just as vulnerable as the rest of humanity. To what you may ask? To everything.

Things will begin, if not continue, to go wrong. Not everything will go your way as you want and as you planned. In fact, things  will begin to feel like they are always falling apart around you. You will feel stressed, pressured, lost, anxious, and even depressed. The initial idea that "things will get better" will seem like an unlikely illusion meant only for movies and tv shows.

But you know what, everything will be okay. Through the next few years you will wncounter insurmountable challenges that will lead you to doubt yourself and even lose a sense of direction. You will feel unworthy of anything and everything; and you will feel useless to the extent of wanting to give up. But the thing that gets you through is you. And undoubtedly, you may be lost and you may feel useless; but the best thing about you is you never give up. You are a fighter and you are a winner in life.

Sometime during law school you will confirm and affirm to yourself through a series of self-administered psychological and social tests based on research that you have depression and anxiety disorder. Perhaps even a little of something within the realm of autism; but that requires an indepth clinical evaluation of which I am incapable of. Nevertheless, by confirming this you faced one of the toughest obstacles in your life. You did not deny yourself and you faced it head on. You opened yourself to some serious detriment and still pursued law. Only this time you had a clearer view of things and a different perspective. You will learn how to deal with yourself and you will learn how to be a better version of you. But moat of all, you will learn to trust yourself again and to trust in God again. You will learn what it means to be genuinely happy in yourself and because of that you are a hero to me. You see, you saved me from unknowingly spiraling into a depth of depressed unconsciousness and subconsciousness. You did this on your own and you did this by will. And for that I will be eternally grateful to you.

Learning to deal and handle this on your own takes courage and determination. And that time you had the strength of both. How did you do this? Well I think you can figure that one out again. Afrer all, you never quit. ;)

As I write this now I am actually tearing up a little. I am on the verge of crediting these tears to an ongoing mood swing but I honestly think it is a mild anxiety attack. I still don't know if things will get better for us tomorrow or the next day or even the next year. What I do know is that I should keep the faith becaue keeping faith is what got us through the roughest times and the hardest of challenges. Remember to always be faithful. Be faithful to God, and be faithful to yourself.

Humbly yours,
-Dani